Saksamaa puulehed:)

2012-2014

I am bored.

Lets get hell outta here.

.

I drink.
Drunk, drunk, drunken me.
Until
I am not here.
Or there
Until I am
THE SHIT.
Until
I
fucking blow you
Myself.

Into a thing.
While we wont talk.

Silly.

Self Mastrubate.

Self Joy
Self Love
Self having
SEX
You
Me
Self joy
touch
We touch
You touch me
It is called ¨joy¨
It is called life.
Animals.
Humans.
Self Joy.
Get it out.
The freak
The sex
What stinks.
I stink.
Uhh!
I sex.
You fuck me.
I fuck you back.
We love each other.
We die for each other.
Everyday.
A bit inside
and OUTSIDE.
Self joy
Mastrubate
Vagina
Penis
THAT IS NOT A PENIS!
THAT IS!
LOVE!
And eventually I fuck you
AGAIN.

I dont know how?

But I know we are not over. We cant be because we never started. Somewhere, somehow, we will meet and love- and not again. We will love.
Silly.

About that. School thing.

Hello Eva,

I wanted to say I am not coming today. Also write the same thing to work.

Need some time off to figure out what am I going to do?

Because I wanted to come to school but now when I have no stipend, it puts everything

into a different light. First with my job- having a job would put me to depend on my studies and

I don’t want this because I can not be sure I will have the job in future. Second of all I don’t want

to have that job the way I have it now- I am already so fed up with it- that I feel sometimes just to escape  from it.

I don’t have weekends off, I can’t be off to be sick or visit my home sometimes- they always get angry with me when I can’t go to work- and This

attidude has killed me inside. So I don’t want to have my school depending on a job like that- I can’t put myself trough this.

And second I had to quit one school already bc I had no money and I don’t want to start something again with doubts in my head- will I finish or not?

Love,

Silly.

Alchohol.

I fucking start to lie when I have abused too much alcohol.
Like when I am in that black whole; where I can not remember anything any longer.
I start to say things what is not the truth but I believe them myself while that.

Any idea why is that so?

I MISS MY MUM!

SO MUCH!

Old School eye Booty (Beauty)

Mida Juku ei øpi seda Juhan ei tea!

Tegelikult tahtsin øelda, et MA IGATSEN OMA SØPRU!

Elamine siin Norra kolme måe vahel vøib vahest pea løhki ajada!
Kåigud segi kammida.
Ja nii need rumalad møtted hakkavad tulema;
Vahest harva pean end siiski katkestama ja kohmetult enda ees vabandama, et jada nii kaugele jøudis minna.
Vaikselt plaanin jårgmise aasta reisi marsuuti, see ajab eluvaimu vårskena- kas reis tuleb vøi mitte, pole antud juhul isegi enam mitte oluline- sellest unistamine on tåhtsam.

Olen 26.
Meest mul ei ole.( Usu voi mitte aga isegi mitte naist ei ole)
Koera ka mitte( Muidu vøtaks aga kuhu ma ta panna kull voiks, kohvrisse??)
Alustan 2 korda kooli minemisega ja loodan, et seekord on kauem kui esimene.
Plaanin panna endale breketid suhu.
Loodan, et løpuks vøidan oma akne! 30 pole enam kaugel.
Varsti pean kortsu vastaseid kreeme hakkama ostma.
Selajal kui mul  endiselt veel breketid on suus ja akne vaevamas.
Mul on palju armastust pakkuda aga tundub, et uldine armuturg ei ole sellest vaga huvitatud.
Tomban magnetina ligi vanu haisvad peerukotte- kes åårmisel juhul ka hea øø eest våikest pappi vålja køhiks. (Nagu ma oleks muugiks)


Selline olen mina 26 aastaselt.
Onneks ei ela ma ema juures aga ega asjad sealtki ju våga kaugel ei ole=)
Isa juures oleks ehk parem. Ei pea nii palju koristama( Mitte et ma koristamist lausa ei jumaldaks)
Mul on 2 paari tekikotte- kui uks parasjagu pesus on, kasutan teist. Ma ostaks muidu juurde aga suures pakkimis hirmus ei julge ma sellegagi våga liiale minna.

Tema.

Ma tean, et kui teda rundasin ja solvasin;
Ei olnud asi temas:
Tema ei loonud minu sisse midagi sellist,
mida seal juba olemas ei oleks olnud.
Køik see oli minus juba ilma tematagi olemas.
Valu. Viha. Frustatsioon.

Køige kurvem aga see juures on, et ma hakkasin teda kasutama vahendina,
et elada enda viha vålja. Justkui oleks tema olnud låte, tegelikult oli tema lihtsalt voolav jøgi...

Teised ei too meie sisse; Meie ise toome, loome ja laseme. Vastavalt enda kriteeriumitele, arusaamadele; Teadmistele, oskustele, silmaringile. Empaatiale ja ebaempaatiale.
Ma proovin andeks anda olukorrale, minevikus, olevikus ja tulevikus.
Ma proovin møista, et see ei ole mina.
Mina on ilus ja hea.
Mina ei saa olla selline, selline on vaid murk, eksimine..kadumine. Ja kaotamine.
Erinevates olukordades kåtiume køik erinevalt- see peaks piisav tøestus olema sellele,
et midagi ei saa luua sellist enese sisse mida sa ise just parasjagu ei loo.


Ma ei looda, et Sa mulle andeks Mikk annaksid. Loodan, et ma suudan seda iseendale teha,
sest see shokeeris mind: Ma ei tunne ennast selles ajas enam åra. Ennem seda ja pårast seda-
ei ole mina selline olnud. See on narkomaania, hullumeelsus; Ja ma ei råågi sellest hullumeelsusest mis inimesi vaimuhaiglates vaevab; Vaid sellisest neuroloogilisest nåhtudest mis on tervet uhiskonda runnanud ja vaevanud seni kaua kuni inim eksistents on aset leidnud kohal Maa.

Silly.

Me.

Find you
Love you
Marry you
And
Live without shame.

Finnmark.

I AM THE LOVE! MINA OLENGI ARMASTUS!

Tåna ujumas:)

That is my life:)